I Honestly Love You
by Optimistic-Pessimistz
Summary: ... Read it and see for yourself. Re-formatted and re-edited.


**Title:** I Honestly Love You  
**Author:** OptimisticPessimist, a.k.a. SeraphKirin

**Type:** Yaoi 

**Pairing:** SenKosh, RuHana, SenRu ****

**Rating:** - (I'm not sure where to place it anyway…)   
**Genre:** One-shot (Chaptered?)/ Song Fic

**Chapters:** 1/?  
**Email:** seraphkirinhotmail.com   
**Notes:** All disclaimers apply. "I Honestly Love You" belongs to Olivia Newton-John

**Author's Notes:** Not much to say here either... And this entire fic is from Sendou's POV for once... I so very rarely see a fic dedicated entirely to Sendou's POV except a scarce few that I can count on one hand... So I decided to change POV for once (although my personal fav is Rukawa... he is the easiest of the three [SenRuHana] to do...)

Well, this is mostly rambling and crap and I did warn you that I couldn't write sap to save my life, remember? Don't say I didn't... because I distinctly remembered I did.

Anyway (you'd have thought this was my fav phrase... considering that I **always** use it...), just read and fire away... I ask only one favor of all of you: Let me at least find a place to hide under before y'all start looking for me to massacre me... your kindness is greatly appreciated...

Oh yes, there's also a **slight** possibility that I might make this into a longer, chaptered fic. Same song, different pairings. After all, the song doesn't only apply to a single pairing you know?

And if you don't know why some lines are separated by this [], the lines inside those two lines are the lyrics and should show up as such, with italics and all.

**Summary:** Sen-chan confessing to Ru-chan?!

I Honestly Love You 

_Maybe I hang around here, _

_A little more than I should _

We both know I got somewhere else to go 

How did this happen?

When did I start anticipating our one-on-ones so much?

When we first started playing one-on-one, we both knew that this would help benefit the both of us.

I never mistook your determination to win me for anything else. Well, it **was** simply because we never used to see it as anything else.

You had two goals, as I saw it.

One, that impossible redhead Sakuragi Hanamichi.

I had never thought it possible that under that icy exterior of yours lay a long-buried love for Hanamichi (not that I am biased against gays or anything... after all, you too, were also surprised when I told you that I was in love with Koshino...)

That was quickly accomplished towards the end of the summer of my senior year.

I still remember the day when I heard that the redhead had finally accepted you.

So now all you want (other than the red head... snigger) is to win me.

When?

It didn't matter to you.

Where?

Off court, on court, you didn't care at all... as long as you would be able to prove yourself to be the better of us both, you were happy.

We had made our one-on-ones a weekly event at first.

Somehow, it became a three-day event thing.

Later, we played every alternate day.

Now... we play every single day.

We didn't care how tired we were, how bad the weather was, what occasion or big day it was... we continued playing our one-on-ones. A jealous Koshino often scolded me whenever that happened... I did it to him more times than I could count, our anniversary, his birthday, a few dates that I was grossly late for or missed completely... It wasn't fair to him and I know that I was taking it too far.

Somehow I have the feeling that you are facing the same complaints from Hanamichi like I am. After all, it **is** impossible (or it has been a miracle - thank the gods above) that that impulsive red head would have so silently let you play with me time and time again without coming to Ryonan personally to bash me up so that I can never look you up for a game or two again...

Not that I really needed to anyway. You always found me. I never needed to look for you.

It wasn't that I didn't have other stuff to take up my time. I had a boyfriend I was crazy over. I have a basketball team that co-operates with me as a poor excuse for a team captain. I even have my all-time favourite fishing hobby to waste my time on.

So what was it that made me spend so much time with you?

Frankly, I didn't know until a while ago.

Through all this time playing against you, I learnt more about you.

Why you are the way you are.

Why you do things the way you do.

Why you intrigue me in a way that not even Koshino has managed to do.

I also found out something that surprised me more than anything else.

And I knew that keeping that hidden was no longer a viable option because every time I see you, something traitorous inside me would whisper poison into my ears.

That poison is no longer containable, at least to the extent that I am able to contain it.

I have to do **something**.

Something that will, at the very least, ease it so that it won't happen again.

So it was because of the above situation that I finally decided to tell you after deliberating on it for so long.

_I've got something to tell you _

_That I never thought I would _

_And I believe you really ought to know..._

I slumped to the ground, feeling my legs give up beneath me after that particularly strenuous play.

I snuck a look at you and was satisfied to find that you weren't doing much better.

You were breathing heavily, your chest heaving erratically as you tried to catch your breath.

It was late now and the light from the lampposts around us glinted off your sweat, making you look so much more alluring. I stare, fascinated as one particular drop of sweat slid down the contours of your face, the sharp curve of your neck and then... disappeared under your clothes.

When did you become so dear to me? I wonder.

If anyone had told me that I was going to fall in love with the "Ice King" of Shohoku, I would've laughed my head off. But now...

I smile wryly. This was a either a very horrible nightmare or someone up there must be having the time of their lives laughing at the mess they created in my love life... What was that saying again?

That Man is to God what flies are to boys? Something to that extent. My brain refuses to function any further beyond that.

I heave a heavy sigh, causing you to look up at me quizzically.

My face hardened slightly. My mouth felt suddenly dry.

It was time.

Time to get this over and done with.

"Ne, Rukawa?" I hesitated, unsure of my decision to tell him.

He did not deign to reply, instead he looks at me with those inscrutable eyes of his, prompting me silently.

[You don't have to do this.] My mind whispered in a desperate attempt to rationalize my actions. [What good will it do? He doesn't have to know.]

But I was too far gone. So it was natural for me to brusquely brush that voice apart.

[This is it,] I thought before taking a deep breath and started pouring out my heart.

_I love you_

There.

I told him.

He's looking at me as if I've suddenly grown three heads or worse.

I smiled, enjoying the scene before me. It wasn't every day that a guy (other than Hanamichi) gets to see Rukawa's hidden stock of expressions.

I briefly noted that shock didn't suit him at all.

His face hardened and his voice came out icier than the temperatures at the North Pole itself. "Is this your idea of a joke? If it is, then it is **not** very funny."

"I meant it." I met his eyes head on, enjoying his obvious discomfort. It wasn't every day that one could see Rukawa, King of Cool, being - how do you say it? - **unsettled** by something, or by someone for that matter. And I happen to be one of the privileged.

Smiling, "I can repeat what I said, you know?"

_I honestly love you_

He closes his eyes tightly, his face creasing into a deep frown.

My heart ached for him; He did look so lost, so vulnerable, so open to persuasion...

It wasn't every day that Rukawa looked this way, y'know?

Was it this that attracted me to him in the first place?

Frankly, I don't know.

Does this mean that I don't love Koshino?

No.

I still love Koshino. I've never loved him more than I do now.

It was just that this... this just had to happen.

I **do** love Koshino, don't make a mistake about that.

**But**, I **also** love Rukawa.

Am I contradicting myself?

Who cares?

I certainly don't.

He looks up at me, confusion marring the features that I had come to admire. Suddenly, I could see his soul bared to me in those eyes of his.

My breath caught.

It was impossible.

He felt the same way?

He started to speak, only to be cut off by me.

I hold his gaze... and shook my head slowly.

_You don't have to answer_

_I can see it in your eyes  _

_Maybe it is better left unsaid. _

I know you still love Hanamichi the way I still love Koshino.

Your situation is not impossible for me to understand; after all, I've been through the same dilemma before.

That was the main reason why I told you anyway.

I just needed to get it out of my system before I go nuts and do something that will hurt the both of you, Hanamichi and the love of my life, Koshino.

_This is pure and simple_

_And you must've realized_

_That it's coming from my heart and not my head..._

Let's just keep it between the two of us. It's so much simpler that way.

I don't expect you to answer me a "yea" or a "nay".

I just want you to realize that I have feelings for you, and though I didn't count on you returning them, we both know that this love doesn't come from what we both know and understand as "love."

So I don't exactly want to demand or expect an answer from you... that was never the purpose in my choosing to tell you.

You should know by now why I chose to tell you the truth.

This purely comes from my heart, not edited or warped by my mind yet. **Yet**, being the key word here. wiggles eyebrows suggestively hint, hint

Whoa, Rukawa! Put that down! Physical assault is against the law, y'know?

Look, I swear that was a joke, okay?

Um... please don't look at me like that. And it would help if you put that tree branch away as well.

I'm unarmed, I swear! Innocent until proven guilty!

...Okay, so that wasn't the best quotation to use... sheepish Can 'ya stop looking at me like that!

Sheesh, after all these years being friends, you would've thought that a friend would've more faith in me...

Don't give me that "You **ARE** a Hentai" look! Gimme a 'lil credit, will 'ya?

Argh! Fine! So I'm known as a Hentai! Sue me! Hmph.

Hey, stop smiling. That wasn't funny, you know? smiles back anyway

Look, at the rate, we're going, we'll never finish this.

So listen up. And for the last time, I swear I won't try to jump you!

_I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable_

_I'm not trying to make you anything at all_

_But this feeling doesn't come along every day_

Relax... I swear that I won't jump you.

How could I?

Kosh would butcher me into a gazillion pieces if he ever found out... and one thing that I hate the most about Kosh is... **he is always right**.

His sixth sense is so uncanny that he can tell what I'm going to do next... or is it that I'm too easy for that guy to read...?

Okay, so anyway I won't force you... not in this lifetime anyway.

I wouldn't want to be fed to the sharks as live bait, y'know? That's how much your boyfriend scares me... huh?

Hmph, and Rukawa-kun, izzat a smirk I spy on that expressionless face of yours? grins

I'm not trying to act melodramatic, y'know?

I'm just trying to get a point across here.

_And so you shouldn't blow the chance_

_When you got the chance to say..._

It is funny that this love should stem more from our stoic friendship than from anything else.

And, although I know now that the both of us have had the exact same sort of desire for each other, it kinda makes me feel a little relieved.

But you know well enough that I'm a guy who believes in letting things out so you shouldn't be surprised that I chose such an impromptu way of expressing myself to you...

And I believe that any feeling related to love should be expressed out loud. It doesn't come along every day, y'know? And we humans don't live long either... so we should grab hold of every opportunity to tell that someone we view as special that we love them, don't you think so?

You don't?

So I'm a die-hard romantic. Sue me.

So, before I leave for home and Kosh, let me just tell you this just one last time so that I'll get it outta my system forever.

_I love you (I love you) _

_I honestly love you_

Y'know?

I've been doing some thinking about how we might have been as a couple.

After much deliberation, I finally concluded what I thought, and still think, would've happened.

_If we both were born_

_In another place and time_

_This moment might be ending with a kiss..._

If I never met Koshino and you never met Hanamichi, I've a feeling that we would've made a helluva couple together.

I know that I will love you even then, or maybe, even more than how I love Koshino.

I am not perfect, with more than enough of bad attributes to go around for the both of us.

However, I know the sex'll be great.

And I know we'd never get tired of each other.

But from what I heard of Hanamichi's many complaints, you're also one of the most obsessive and possessive guys I've ever met... and I don't really enjoy too many restraints just as you are too eager to claim someone as completely your own...

I am also a very happy-go-lucky sort of person... my constant good nature will drive you nuts (at least that's what Kosh claims that it does to him...)

So we won't be **that** perfect together... we'd just be... us.

But even through all this stupid fantasizing on my part, I realized some things can't be changed.

_But there you are with yours_

_And here I am with mine_

_So I guess we'll just be leaving it at this_

I am in love with Koshino Hiroaki.

You are in love with Sakuragi Hanamichi.

Reality does not allow changes like that so easily.

Luckily, the both of us are in love with our partners too deeply to really, **really** care for each other. And we are two very fortunate guys to have obtained their love for ourselves.

And somehow, I am grateful to whomever who stopped toying with our love lives.

_I love you_

_I honestly love you_

Whoa, look at the time, it's darned late now, I gotta run.

Koshino'll be waiting up for me... and I told him I'll be back at eight! It's eleven now! I didn't think that we talked for that long a time... did we?

Ah heck, anyway, I gotta dash... and Rukawa?

You can forget about tonight if you want to.

Pretend that this never happened between us.

But I won't ever forget this, y'know?

You're the second guy that I said those three words to... the first being Koshino of course!

…What now? What's with the "I don't think so" act?

Anyway, I guess I won't be seeing you around for some time... I gotta make up to my koi, y'know?

You should, too.

Hanamichi is a guy who needs constant attention and love. Don't lose him through your carelessness. Don't neglect him.

I nearly lost Kosh's love once.

I don't want to make the same mistake ever again.

You need him... just like he needs you too.

I won't ever forget tonight.

After all, this is a very special night.

And I sincerely hope you don't too.

Ja! See you around!

_I honestly love you_

**Author's Notes:** Groan Crappy ending... maybe I'll not extend this to other pairings after all...

Read And Review, guys! Flames welcome!


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